HOTEL ARTEMIS- Karl Sides (the Flick Fanatics)



Jodie Foster- Nurse

Sterling K. Brown- Waikiki

Jeff Goldblum-Wolf King (Niagara)

Charlie Day- Acapulco

Dave Bautista- Everest

Jodie Foster runs a “members only” hospital for Felons in the new thriller “Hotel Artemis”.

It is 2028 an d Los Angeles is a war zone with the public rioting over high prices for clean water. In the middle of the city is an old art deco hotel called “Hotel Artemis” that covers for a secret member’s only ICU on the top floor. The Nurse and her orderly Everest (because he is that big) maintain the hospital and repair injured felons that pay for discretion. To maintain some form of anonymity the patients are referred to by the room they are in.

Acapulco is a con man that took a knife to the face, so the Nurse is using Nano tech to repair his face instantly. Nice (Sofia Boutella), a high-level hit man, checked in with a gunshot wound that was self-inflicted so she is there when her target arrives. Finally, Waikiki also with a gun shot wound, but also has his brother with him who was shot in the liver. The Nurse took care of the bullet holes and used a 3d printer to fabricate a replacement liver. Only one room is open, Niagara, that is until the Nurse’s phone rings and she is notified the Wolf King is coming.

The Wolf King is the mob boss of Los Angeles and he is also the guy who funds the hospital. Niagara is also the guy who stole 15 million in Diamonds from the Wolf King that very evening. Acapulco is just in the way as he tries to get out of town before the rioters get to the hotel. Finally, who is Nice there to kill?

All these questions are answered along with an all too brief fight scene in the last 30 mins of the film, but by that time you really don’t care. Hotel Artemis is a MAJOR disappointment. The premise had so much potential, but they failed to give us a back story on the characters that had many in the audience confuse or they could care les what happened to them. Bautista is very good as the Nurse’s right hand and muscle to enforce the rules of the clinic. Jodie Foster’s nurse character had an underlying story about a dead son that has some connections to a patient in the hospital but again the details are confused and not apparent.

Hotel Artemis is one of the worst films I have seen this year and I recommend seeing ANYTHING else at the theater this weekend. I wouldn’t even invest the time to watch this one on cable, it is that bad.

Rated R (Language, Violence, Drugs)

My Rating: 1 Broken Syringe


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